Our Life With Others

There is a beautiful word in the Zulu language with which I fell in love ever since I heard about it: UBUNTU – “I am who I am, because of who we all are”.

We live together in this world. We share our lives, not only with the people we live with, but with the people we work with,  we are in community with, and with the people, we relate at all levels.

We make an impact on other people’s lives and a lot of people make an impact on ours.  And it is exactly because of this that we are destined not just to live together in this world, but to grow together, because of and in spite of our relationships and interactions with one another.

Actually,  we cannot grow alone.  We cannot transform alone. If we had nobody around to “push our buttons” we would never know what is behind those buttons.  We would remain blind to the aspects, pains, ignored issues, that we continue to carry in our emotional selves.

There is extraordinary potential in the pain we experience.  There lies the key to real self-transformation.  And we owe it to others and the mirrors they become for our “issues”.

We have a choice –as always-, we can blame, ignore, get mad, use the “toxic” label, reject, or …we can look at those mirrors in the eye to see that reflection: ME and YOU.

Needless to say, THIS IS NOT EASY.  But it is the bridge to true evolution.

And there is something else:  we attract the people that we need, in order to work things out within ourselves.  We attract those that will push those buttons.

We also need the mirrors of others to recognize our good aspects and strengths.  It is through the value we add to other people’s lives and the great things they tell us about ourselves that we get a rounded version of our self-image, self-value, and self-esteem.

So it is only when we allow human interaction to give us information about ourselves that we can have a full vision of who we are.

The more relationships and the bigger the network we nurture and count on, the bigger our world becomes, and the more expansive and far-reaching the possibilities we create for and with one another.

We live together in this world and we build together. We join our individual resources to contribute to a bigger goal.  We also count on each other at different times asking for and receiving help.

You and I may be one request away from achieving a goal.  We need to learn to lean on each other, to count on one another, and to be available for each other’s needs. We need to be humble to learn to ask, and to say “I need you”.

I think that the word UBUNTU makes more sense now and it is clear what it means.

Amidst the challenges that we all experience with human relationships, we are really a blessing to each other.  Whether that other is someone who spent a very short season in our lives, whether it was a few minutes encounter or a life-long relationship, that experience is there to stay.

We are a blessing to each other.  We need to belong, we need to love and be loved. Love makes our Souls grow and flourish.  Love is nourishment for our Being.

We need to contribute and grow.  All of this deep human and spiritual needs are met as we live together and step into relationships.

Who would we be without one another?

It was at the offset of this pandemic that I sat to reflect. Why is this happening? What are the lessons to be learned?

I immediately thought of UBUNTU.

The virus locked us up, away from each other, at least away from the most evident physical presence. The wearing of masks was enforced for you to protect others, and for others to protect you, as a new practice of care and kindness.

Could it be possible that there is so much still to be learned about how to live together, that we were instructed to stay away from each other and reflect?

Who do we want to be when we hug each other again?