Harnessing Adversity to Propel Your Growth

The hidden power of adversity is that it invites you to change.

Adversity gives us a new direction if we are willing to “turn towards” the bright new day at the other side of the threshold, having become stronger and more resourceful in the process.

Neuroscience has illuminated us with interesting knowledge about our brains and how they function.  It is now known that the main goal of the brain is to keep us safe and secure. Not only does the brain perceive as a threat the presence of a lion, but also those ideas and opinions that are totally different from ours: our identity is being threatened.

The brain does not like change.

We then wonder how we as human beings, are meant to overcome our brain’s resistance towards adversity.

I personally believe that we try to avoid pain, discomfort, adversity and change to a too high degree.

When we block certain experiences, in my opinion, we block growth, we block our path towards possibility.

We all experience pain.  We cannot help it.  So, what we do is ignore it, sweep under the carpet, suppress it, repress, get distracted…and with this, we put behind a locked door a part of our being. Psychologists say that we cannot repress in a selective way.  We repress emotions period, so while we repress pain, we also limit our ability to experience joy.

And little by little, we lose touch with ourselves…

What to do instead?

I found through experience, that adversity and her best-half, pain- have been golden springboards for self-development, for the discovery of unknown strength, for the long due need to focus on overcoming weaknesses and for bringing to light those areas of myself that were calling to be integrated.

I even think that after seasons of easy-going times, adversity would present itself in my life to shake me up, so I would not get rusty at the skill of living.  I know that somehow, I would attract it…to halt my inertia and numbness that could take over, during good times.

Yes, actually the good and easy times may be numbing, because we “get used” to the comfort, to the non-challenging experiences.  We lose “muscle”.

The sooner we understand this, the sooner we will be willing to embrace life as it is, with its different rhythms, cycles, seasons and reasons.

I would like to reflect on the most recent adversity that I faced in my life: my divorce.

Adversity may be unwanted, and yet, it may be chosen and agreed upon.  What a paradox, right?

We choose a route for a good reason, but the package brings along adversity.  Adversity comes along as an unwanted and most needed companion that will bring about the challenges to cross towards the new horizon.

Having been married for 31 years is quite a lifetime.  So, I knew that the divorce would bring about some radical adjustments to be made and to be experienced as adversity.

What is the essence of adversity, what is adversity actually?  I went to the dictionary and found a definition that blew my mind.  I found that the Latin origin of words always sheds light to look more deeply into things: from “advertere”, turn towards.

Turn towards…what?  In here lies the key -I think.

What were the adverse effects of my divorce?

First and foremost, I felt the letting go was really hard…the letting go of a dream that had not materialized as I had expected/wanted and that never would.  During the mourning process I allowed the sadness in as a friend that helped me express my inner experience.  Tears are so great!  With each tear a bit of the pain for the loss was released, with awareness, consciously, and with full connection with that part of me that was ailing.

I knew that unless I completely let go of what could not be, it would be very hard to cross to the other side, to the new chapter in my life.  I could only move forward, and for that, I had to let go of the past that was pulling me back.

Another adversity was adjusting to living alone, something that I had never done before.  From my family home I moved in with my friend in my late 20’s and from there with my husband.  At 61 I was about to have a brand-new experience that most people have when they are 18, at least in the US.

The whole idea didn’t scare me, but COVID hit and at times, loneliness hit too.  It was a little too much altogether. I never had an issue being alone but living alone was adding a different twist.

And the last piece was the financial independence that I hadn’t had for a long time.  I had to battle the shadows that would assault me at times: scarcity, needs not met and limitations. Once more, COVID added its own known adversity to it.

I see adversity as that tough corner to turn, after which we are facing the luminous direction.

Unless we turn it, we won’t see the light.

So, making peace with the unfulfilled dream that I had for my marriage, let me look into a brilliant future, filled with new possibilities.

Dare let go of what is not serving the present you because what you are holding on to is not safe anymore.  It will only hold you back from growth.

The reality of living alone, made me turn towards realizing that the company of people is a treasure that I would have to reach out for whenever I longed for a shared experience and just being with someone. I always had that choice, as well as the choice of being alone-but not lonely.

I also turned towards the re-invention of myself in the arena of business and who I wanted to be in the world and for the world.  I started writing more –something that I had been drawn to for some time- as a means of expressing my voice, my views, whether they found followers or not on the other end.

This last turn made the adversity so worthwhile and golden. I may have never geared towards writing and creating online courses otherwise. I was in a comfortable place, why push myself for more?

And I love this ME that dared take the step.  It is fresh, genuine, raw, creative and unique.  I like what my voice has to say. I have grown.